


drabble dump 007

by highboys (orphan_account)



Series: drabble dumps [7]
Category: Kimi to Boku
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Gen, M/M, Pokemon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-24
Updated: 2012-04-24
Packaged: 2017-11-04 06:10:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/highboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pokemon AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	drabble dump 007

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't take this seriously.

**( Kaname. In which Kaname expresses his extreme distaste for his occupation as a substitute Nurse Joy. )**

 

Kaname hated trainers. Trainers were unrefined and too my pace and generally insufferable, always demanding free lodging and healing at the nearest pokemon center without so much as a thank you.

He also hated it when they kept staring at him in confusion and he had to repeat that yes, he _was_ a biological relative of the Nurse Joys, and _no_ , no, he had no idea why the uniform couldn't be tailor made for gender specific purposes, and _WOULD THEY AT LEAST USE THE WELCOMING MAT BEFORE COMING IN, GOD_.

"Kaname," said Shun, in his admonishing tone. "That wasn't very nice of you, driving away that poor guy."

Kaname also hated gym leaders, especially ones that got the position through nepotism, never mind that the same could be said for himself.

"Speak for yourself, Mr. I'm A Cool Gym Leader," said Kaname, spitefully. "Why couldn't I have been born into your family instead? I could put up with your brother and the amount of weed at your gym if it earned me bragging rights, at least."

Shun scrunched up his face, as if ready to defend the honor and legality of his family's gym, but Psyduck was making panicked noises over a malfunctioning machine and seriously, Kaname did not sign up for this shit at all.

At least, he thought, thanking Lugia for small miracles, he didn't end up with a Chansey.

Psyduck quacked unhappily, now tangled in cords and wires.

Okay, maybe a Chansey would have been preferable. Kaname tightened his apron strings, fixed the cap on his head, and got back to work.

 

**( Yuuki/Kaname, Yuuta/Shun. In which the twins make Kaname jealous. )**

 

There were a pair of twins that went in and out of town. From the moment they turned twelve, the Asaba twins had set their sights on greater ambitions such as dominating the gyms, squashing the Elite Four, and taking over the world. As far as Kaname was concerned, they could go fuck themselves, especially when they _did_ return with eight shiny new badges and a new title from some far-flung region Kaname had only obsessively looked up over the internet.

Yeah, Kaname was so jealous, the pink of his uniform clashed with the color of his face every time Asaba Yuuki would raise an eyebrow at Kaname's uniform.

"It's just the dress," said Shun, consolingly. "I mean, I'm sure he's been to liberal _and_ conservative places, but you have to admit it's a little... disconcerting to look at a strapping young man such as yourself in a dress that shows off your legs."

"It was my mother's idea," said Kaname, pointedly. "And if I remember right, you _enjoyed_ wearing it more than I did. Are you sure we can't switch families?"

"It's a very good color on you," said Shun, loyally.

"I hate you and everything you stand for."

"They're really not as bad as you make them out to be."

Shun only said that because Yuuta had been in love with him since Shun's sisters still dressed him up in their hand me downs (read: FOREVER). Kaname didn't think too much about it in the first decade of his life, until Yuuta had done what was the equivalent of proposing marriage to someone in their small town: he had given Shun an Eevee as a matching pair. If that didn't scream commitment, Kaname didn't know what did.

"Go back to calling your boyfriend," said Kaname, waving him away. "Leave me alone to wallow in peace and--" Something crashed in the kitchen area. "DAMN IT, CHIZURU."

"HEY," said Chizuru, "I was only transferring my pokemon to the PC!"

"He meant his Psyduck," said Shun, apologetically.

"Gee, no thanks for the honor," said Chizuru, pouting. "Why'd you name your clumsiest pokemon after me?"

"You had to ask," said Kaname, "oh, and you released your Mareep again, by the way."

"OH SHIT," said Chizuru. "MARY IS GONNA BE SO PISSED."

"This is, what, the fifth time this week?" Kaname asked. "It's a wonder she even stays with you."

"What can I say? She loves me," said Chizuru.

"Who loves you?" Oh great. It was the Asaba twins again, come to torture Kaname by virtue of their existence. If only Kaname had psychic powers to will the automated doors to shut them out. Kaname turned to look at his Psyduck. Maybe if he trained Chizuru...?

"Uh, dude? You have a really evil look on your face," said Chizuru, cringing. "And heeeey, did you guys see a shiny Mareep loitering outside?"

"Oh," said Yuuta. "I thought it was Shun's. It kept trying to break in the gym."

"WHAT," said Chizuru and Shun at the same time. Mary had an inexplicable obsession with Shun that Chizuru was still in denial about. Kaname rolled his eyes and figured as much.

"What are you two wearing?" Kaname asked, sneering at their clothes.

"We're from team rocket now," said Yuuki, tipping his black cap at Kaname.

"He's joking," said Yuuta, hastily, at the expression of utter dismay on Shun's face. "We were just--"

"Saving the world."

"As usual."

"That's amazing," Shun gushed. He touched Yuuta's arm. "You're both so brave."

Shun and Yuuta kept smiling at each other now. Kaname kind of preferred getting mauled to death by a school of Feebas and Magikarp -- slowly and painfully.

"Nice dress," Yuuki offered, piping up from behind Kaname. Kaname almost jumped at that.

"Thanks a lot, asshole," Kaname snarled. Or he would have, if Shun's pokegear didn't start ringing.

"Uh, bro?" Fuyuki said, from the other line, "that crazy Mareep is going through your underwear in the laundry. What do I do now?"

"My baby is a pervert," Chizuru sobbed.

Kaname took the phone out of Shun's shell-shocked grip and turned to Chizuru. "This is all your fault."

 

**( Gen. In which dinner is yet another disaster. )**

 

When Yuuki's Munchlax evolved after thoroughly kicking Kaname's (perpetually angry) Totodile's ass, Shun knew letting them battle out their sexual frustration was a horrible idea.

Not only did Yuuki persistently lord the victory over Kaname at random moments (i.e. while Kaname was preparing dinner and contemplating exactly how poisonous the nearby berries were), he also dropped not-so-subtle hints about Kaname's incapacity to become a proper trainer. Or, at least, that was what Kaname kept bemoaning everyday.

"FIRST OF ALL," said Kaname, "I don't understand how _you_ could evolve your Munchlax without doing _any_ \-- oh wait, I perfectly understand now. It's because you're both lazy bastards, isn't it?"

"Kaname's so negative," said Yuuki, his voice muffled by Snorlax's soft stomach. "It's the only reason why his Hitmonchan keeps trying to punch him."

"Second," said Kaname, gritting his teeth, "a real trainer's worth isn't measured by how many of his pokemon are evolved."

"Actually," said Yuuta, "it's pretty important for filling up the Pokedex."

"And I wouldn't really bet Mary against a hulking Legendary," said Chizuru, the _traitor_.

"You should try leaving your pokemon in the day care," said Yuuki. "That old lady is probably a lot better at it than you."

Kaname gave out a garbled sound of indignation, and Shun sighed, staring at the soup in his bowl. There went another attempt at peaceful dinner conversation.

Now, if only they could stop Kaname from actually maiming Yuuki this time.

 

**( Yuuki/Kaname. In which the morning routine doesn't always go so well. )**

 

When they set up camp the first time, they had drawn lots as to which unfortunate soul would deal with Chizuru’s unruly bed time habits. Shun had, by popular vote, gotten exempted by virtue of everyone else fearing for his life in case Mary managed to weasel out of her pokeball yet again.

Yuuki stared at the crinkled mess of paper he fished out of Chizuru’s cap. Yuuta looked at Yuuki’s hand and clicked his tongue, sympathetic and triumphant all the same. When Kaname leaned over to check, Kaname made a displeased sound at the back of his throat.

“Couldn’t you have gotten tent number 2 instead?” Kaname groused.

“Don’t kick me in your sleep,” Yuuki retorted.

“I’M NOT CHIZURU,” said Kaname, even as Chizuru (the human) and Chizuru (his psyduck) peered at him with identical looks of confusion.

By day break, however, Kaname lay sprawled across Yuuki’s chest, his sleeping bag kicked off in his slumber. His glasses lay on the side of his bed roll, forgotten. Yuuki stared at the ceiling of the tent and willed himself to forget how Kaname’s fingers pressed against his stomach, past the line of his hip bone, lower.

When Yuuki touched Kaname’s brow, Kaname made a soft, quiet noise that made Yuuki want to wake him up with a mouth against his neck, hot and insistent at his skin. It was easy to forget that Kaname was a veritable mass of contradictions at alternating times. He could stand to be more honest, awake.

Kaname’s head bopped against Yuuki’s stomach, suddenly; Yuuki made a pained noise, as if the wind were knocked out of him.

“You’re awake, aren’t you?” Yuuki said, his throat dry as Kaname’s teeth nipped at the bare stretch of skin across his waist.

“If you want a blow job,” said Kaname, voice low, “I suggest you shut up so I can pretend I’m still dreaming.”

Yuuki would have commented on Kaname’s repressed, perverse sexual lust for him if Kaname hadn’t pulled his shorts down by the hem. His fingers curled into his palm, expectant. When Kaname’s lips grazed his the tip of his cock, he thought, _oh my fucking Lugia, this is really happening_.

“Say please,” said Kaname, peering at him through half-lidded eyes, catching the base of Yuuki’s cock in a vice-like grip. Yuuki closed his eyes and groaned.

Or, at least, he did, up until the chaos that erupted outside their tent.

“AHHHHH WHAT IS IT DOING, GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF,” bellowed Chizuru.

“No, bad homu green — oh, I seriously don’t know where Yuuki gets these names— bad Snorlax! Murdering your fellow pokemon is bad!” Shun, this time, and he sounded so honestly frazzled that Kaname sat up, still palming at Yuuki’s crotch, the bastard.

“What’s up?” said Kaname, distractedly.

“Me, obviously,” Yuuki muttered, snaking his arm across Kaname’s hip and pulling him back down. “It’s fine, they’ve got it all under control.”

Kaname shot him a glare that could freeze a Charizard in its tracks, with or without Blizzard. “You’re terribly unconcerned about your lumbering oaf of a pokemon. Are you sure you’re even champion?”

“Half a champion,” said Yuuki, shrugging. “Same difference.”

A shadow bent down to raise its hand in a parody of a knock against the flap of their tent. “Uh,” said Yuuta, coughing, “I’m sorry to kill the mood, but your Psyduck is kind of getting crushed under Yuuki’s Snorlax, Kaname.”

“OH MY GOD,” said Kaname, shooting up and pulling his jeans on in an impressive display of hand-eye coordination, “YOUR LAZY ASS OF A POKEMON IS SQUASHING CHIZURU.”

“Uh, I’m okay!” Chizuru hollered back, amidst grunting noises that indicated that he was trying to push at Snorlax, to no avail.

” _Not you_.”

Chizuru sulked. “Oh.”

Yuuki blinked at the slant of light entering from the flap of the tent Kaname hadn’t bothered to zip up. He sighed and pulled his shorts back on, then stood up to retrieve the rest of his clothes.

When he emerged, Kaname was shrieking at his Psyduck, saying things that varied from “are you okay” to “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU”. Shun, meanwhile, alternated between scolding Kaname and making pitying noises at the Psyduck.

“Wasn’t he inside his pokeball last night?” Yuuki asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I believe it was hiding from the trauma that was Kaname going down on you,” said Yuuta, dryly.

“Never again,” said Kaname, emphatically. Yuuki shot both of them the dirtiest look he could manage, and went of to commiserate with his (still asleep) pokemon.

He lay slumped against his Snorlax. “Should have killed that little shit,” said Yuuki, woefully.

Psyduck, still buried under Snorlax, made an unhappy noise in response.

 

**( Yuuta/Shun. In which everyone ponders a small miracle. )**

 

By the time they went back to the daycare, Yuuta and Shun both emerged with awestruck looks on their faces and an egg in Shun's arms.

"I don't understand," said Kaname, still looking traumatized. "It's physically impossible."

"Well," said Yuuki, "when two pokemon love each other very much..."

"THEY'RE BOTH MALE," said Kaname.

"I've always wanted another Eevee," said Yuuta. "At least this way, we wouldn't have to worry about the custody battle if we stick together for a long time."

Shun beamed at him.

They could work things out.


End file.
